Dear Alfawhore, 

Right before quarantine I had downloaded a dating app and started talking to a few peeps. Now, with no chance of meeting up, convos have covered every imaginable topic (this is great) including sex (also great). A few days back, amidst a hot and heavy convo, a boy requested a nude pic… and I suddenly got all shy about it. It’s not about the pic itself – it’s more about the fact I don’t *actually* know this dude, even if we’ve been talking for 50+ days. What’s the etiquette here? 

Sincerely,

Hot, but also bothered


Dear Hot, 

Thank you for allowing me to tackle a very important matter at any time, but even more so during quarantine: sexting.

Around mid-April, when this whole COVID thing we’ve gotten so used to was still relatively new, a press conference held by the Argentine government quickly became the talk of the town when virtual sex, or sexting, was one of the Health Minister’s recommendations of things to do to keep sane during quarantine (btw – nothing but respect for *my* Health Minister). 

Now, while I evidently agree with this statement, and from what you tell me, so do you, it’s also true that it opens a variety of possibilities one had likely not thought about before. We understand how sex works – you meet up with someone, you do whatever turns both of you on, maybe you cuddle, maybe you don’t, and you call it a night. Anything and everything that happens while you’re doing it is, well, enveloped by the throes of passion… which oftentimes allows us to be bolder and step out of our comfort zone because in the moment, it feels right.

Let’s start with the obvious and say that consent *must* be involved every step of the way, but I’m talking about something else here. Perhaps there was something you wanted to try and you felt shy trying to talk about it in the middle of lunch, or perhaps you wanted to do something and just saying it out loud felt like too much. Being in the mood allows you to let go of those doubts and just go for it. In that sense, being hot and bothered is great (and also how many people discover new kinks)! We’re all for curiosity and experimentation.

That being said, sexting changes the game a bit. Yes, you’re hot and bothered, and yes, you’re saying all these things you want to do to them and you want them to do to you, but suddenly, these words don’t just disappear after the moment is over. Who hasn’t opened a conversation the day after just to send a funny meme, only to find the leftovers of last night’s steamy ending waving hello? Now, sexting is nothing to be ashamed of, and those convos can even be good material for you to use for some well deserved self-love. However, this ability to re-read all about the previous evening’s activities does highlight a key factor: there’s a record of your conversations, and this is even more so when we’re talking about photos. And as with all matters related to sex, keepin’ it safe is paramount.

This brings us back to your original topic: nude pics. Let me start by the most important thing here just to get it out of the way – don’t do anything you’re not comfortable with, period. If you’re feeling shy about sending this dude a booty pic, my first advice is that you respect that instinct. However, it’s also possible that he just caught you off guard and the more you think about it, the hotter the idea seems.

If there’s one thing to keep in mind it’s this: as soon as you hit send that photo is no longer yours. Maybe you just got out of the shower and your wet hair over tit combo is killing the game. Trust me, I feel you. Send that sexy, but do so knowing that not every person (and less so in the realm of the internet) is a gem. If you’re okay with that photo leaking to the press the day you become even slightly famous, do the thang. But give yourself some time to ponder it, and if you feel like this sexting with photos is what you wanna do, then let Auntie Alfa give you a few tried-and-tested tips. 

  1. No faces: this goes without saying, but this isn’t a profile pic, so keep that gorgeous face for your Instagram story and let the nude pics focus on those other tantalizing spots of yours–whatever that may be. 
  2. No distinguishable marks/tattoos: keep it as neutral as possible, and avoid showing any distinguishable tattoos/scars/marks/etc. There’s plenty of phone apps you can use if a conveniently placed crop won’t cover something that might give you away. Fotor, Be Funky, and Adobe Photoshop are three great free apps you can use to either edit them out or add a cool sticker right on top of it. 
  3. Keep backgrounds neutralon that same note, I don’t need to explain to you why cropping your face out of a pic and leaving a picture of yourself hanging off a wall in the background won’t do, right? Take five minutes to tidy up before going into photographer mode and make sure there’s nothing in your pic that would allow anyone to recognize exactly who or where you are.
  4. Stay away from the camera roll: in general, I’d recommend you delete your nudes, but hey, that’s just me and my particular brand of paranoid. However, I do get that some booty pics are definitely worth keeping. If you’re gonna do that, make sure you use a picture vault safeguarded with a password or your fingerprint. Check out a few cool & free ones here.
  5. Watermark that shiz: do I mention that people suck or are we in general on the same note about this? If you’re gonna send nudes, make sure you add a watermark, and change up said watermark to use a different one per receiver of the aforementioned nude. That way, if someone turns out to unexpectedly be an idiot, you’ll know exactly who that is and you’ll be able to take appropriate action. Watermark Photo Square Free and eZy Watermark are two great free options.
  6. Stay away from WhatsApp (and others)choose the channel you’ll be sharing the nudes through appropriately. WhatsApp, Instagram and Facebook messenger (to name a few) are known to keep records even if you’ve deleted a message (also, do you really wanna trust Mr. Zuck with your nudes?). Give Telegram or Signal a try and adapt the settings to auto-delete according to your preference.

Fun fact: These messaging apps are widely used for a myriad of other activities that people don’t want the man to keep track of, such as the purchase of illegal substances (not that *I* would know, having never done such a thing myself). From now on, every time you see someone with Telegram on their phone you get to play a fun game – are they sharing nudes or trying to score some weed? Hey – maybe it’s both! 

Before I send you off into your nude sharing journey, just two more things. First, if you’re feeling kinky just because and decide you want to kickstart a sexy conversation with a tasteful nude, please oh please send a warning text first. You never know what the other might be doing at that exact time, or who may be looking at their screen when they open a text. And second… Triple. Check. The. Receiver. I mean it.

Hoping you remain hot but a little less bothered,

Auntie Alfa